[mmf]

very unmotivated lately.
i need to be working on my college application (am required to write 5 750-wordsorless essays for this particular school) but i don't wanna.

i don't think i even want to go, so why should i spend time on a lame, half-ass attempt?
i don't want to do anything but what i already do (with some slight alterations)...take pictures, spend too much money on music, work, and read whatever i like.
yeah, that probably sounds really lazy but i want LIVE, not scamper from thing to thing waiting for my life to start.

life has been pretty sweet lately...i just start the week already tired and end it crabby and exhausted, literally going to bed at 9:30 some nights.
[this may have something to do with my hypoglycemia...currently trying to remedy it by a better diet. and that's another thing - i'm always eating now, like a bird. peck here, peck there, peck peck peck. good thing i like food.]


dearest might come and see me this week.
she must. no is not an option.

i've been rereading mccarthy's 'the road' - sometimes aloud so i can feel the delicious words.
it is like poetry.
feel this passage:

no lists of things to be done. the day providential to itself. the hour. there is no later. this is later. all things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. their birth in grief and ashes. so, he whispered to the sleeping boy.
i have you.